Name:Yuuki Country:United States State:California Birthday:5/2/1989 Gender:Female
Interests:Drawing, writing, getting my work done on time... (procrastinating's more like it, isn't it?); recently, psychology, language, traveling, learning, semi-planned spontaneity, hugs, piano, martial arts, talking with strangers, making friends, watching things that make me cry, cooking, baking, eating sweets, drinking delicious teas. Expertise:Did I really like biology that much? That's kind of disgusting. Today, my expertise leans more toward Japanese language, random thinking, and being a poor student. I can draw, too, more or less. Occupation:College student, receptionist. Industry:The education type.
"When a man is young his body overflows with energy, his heart is easily moved by things, he is full of passion. He throws himself into danger as he might toss a jeweled ball to the ground, almost wanting it to shatter. So much does he love the beauty of women that he seems ready to waste his fortune in pursuit of it, only to relent and cast all that aside, debasing himself in the mossy robes of the priesthood. In an excess of bravado, he gets into a fight, then feels ashamed, and ends up envying the very man he has attacked. Thus his affections change from day to day, always unsettled. He loses himself in lust, is moved by the kindness of another, commits himself to good works; then he risks his future chasing after the example of those who have thrown their lives away -- not thinking for even a moment that the might want to live safe and long. Pulled along by his whims, he makes a scandal of his life that may well be talked about for years to come. Yes, leave it to the young man to ruin his life.
When a man grows old, his spirit too loses vitality. He is impassive, easygoing, and never excited by things. Because his heart has arrived at a natural state of serenity, he engages in nothing unneedful; he cares for his body and thus does not suffer from ill health; and he is mindful not to cause anyone trouble. The old man excels the young man in wisdom, just as the young man excels the old in beauty of appearance."
-- Yoshida Kaneyoshi, "Essays in Idleness", section 172.
More lows than highs in 2009, but...may 2010 bring you all another healthy, happy, hopeful year. May your relationships prosper, and move on from the ones that have ended. May you become wiser, stronger, and yet remember to be humble. I hope you will laugh too much and cry too little. Live so that you regret nothing, but live smart so you won't have to force yourself not to regret.And always remember to love.
I have had such odd dreams in the course of the last week. Actual dreams, I mean, not just late night fantasies or my recurring nightmares.
1. Nick, Dad, and I are on a beach. Suddenly, there's a freak tsunami, and I grab Nick's hand and we hide behind a pillar, where we're safe. The pillar was hollowed out somehow, and I pushed my brother into the crevice while I held on for dear life. After the wave subsides, I see Carla, Daniel Chen, and someone else I recognize but their name escapes me, glad that we're safe. It wad odd, considering I didn't see them anywhere on the beach when we got there; stranger still that these three were hanging out together, since that's just something I never saw in high school. My dad was walking toward the wave the last I saw him, but somehow, I felt he was all right. Nick and I started walking toward the water to get my dad, and we're actually walking IN the water, like going through an aquarium, before I wake up.
2. Nick and I are at a bakery in France. We're trying to buy bread, and the man looks very French with his little moustache. We order something relatively cheap, at first, then I ask about what's really sweet -- giouette, he says, but you really only need half of it because it's that sweet. I ask Nick what he wants; any breads, a shake? He orders some sort of drink and the baker laughs and rings us up and somehow these three items come up to 50 euros (!), and even stranger, I don't have a fit. I accidentally give him $50, and he laughs all French-stereotypically-like, and I apologize and give him 50 euros. A black woman next to me smiles and says I dropped some coins and gives them to me, and I'm dazzled by the pattern: I know coins don't look like jade buttons with designs on them in Europe, but it was so pretty. Nick and I walk out of the store and when I wake up, I start thinking, huh, Europe is expensive.
3. I'm driving to SoCal and then I'm walking down a street where I see a girl with a mobile taiyaki stand. Hungry, I order an azuki and a Nutella. While waiting, I walk into one of the stores on the arcade-like street, and bump into her boyfriend, who has an interesting name, like Cereal or Ciri-something, who tells me my taiyaki is done. We go back and the taiyaki girl scolds him for saying it was ready, because it wasn't, yet. For some reason I didn't get my taiyaki, but I ended up on the road, driving away from Azusa. The boyfriend gives me a call, saying his girlfriend is sorry and that it's ready now, and I make this impossible u-turn on the freeway, and somehow my car changes from Bruce to this bright blue Porsche, and my phone looks like a little replica of my car (and I'm very confused with how to use it in my dream). I park on the street, say hello to the taiyaki couple again, and then I wake up before I can get my waffle treats, because they wanted to exchange phone numbers first (how did they get it when I was driving?!).
I should be used to having these weird dreams, but I'm just not used to actually remembering them. I swear, it is impossible to extract any meaning from them...
How unreal it feels! The new year is practically here. Time to think up those same resolutions that I'll work toward with fierce determination for the first month, and then...the progress will decline like my grades in high school. But here's something for me to think about.
While oggling over my favorite Asian-American actor, Harry Shum, Jr. (or Shumju, as I have begun to affectionately call him), I had an absent thought about how fun it would have been to be friends with him in high school or something. Honestly, the entire Glee cast sounds like a bunch of fun to hang out with, but hey, I'm not going to lie: Shumju's pretty cute. And as my friend sent me picture after picture (the girl has a very large folder dedicated to he actors from Glee) of him, I started realizing that, realistically, I'd never hang out with him if we were in the same high school. Yes, I realize that this is extremely shallow of me, too, and it does not help that I'm pretty damn shy in general. I have always been a quiet girl, and the way my school worked is that they always bunched all the so-called "smart" kids together, so for years, I've always been with the same honors-AP crowd, and I have rarely been exposed to any other people. As a result, my friendships have been very limited, and I find that I am very picky when it comes to making friends. If Shumju were in my classes, perhaps we would have been friends, or at least jovial classmates. But his determined look with his tilted cap, amazing physical ability, and dancing skills would have made him SO cool that I would have shuffled back into a corner before I could even say hello. Unless someone is there to introduce me, I get very nervous around individuals who look like they have nothing in common with me (this usually means that they're extremely attractive and talented to some degree); thus, by myself, I would never be able to talk to someone face to face, because I am a COWARD.
This year, I hope to overcome this fear of strangers. I've always been told not to judge a book by its cover, but based on how I was raised and how society makes us feel, this feat isn't always as achievable as one would like it to be. I want to make more friends, have more composure when I speak, learn a little bit more about the world. If I can get over that step, then I need to work on having a balance between the friends that I've had for life and the new friends. Whenever I make new friends, I always get a little deliriously happy, and I need to work on staying calm, haha. Well, here's to the new year...cheers!
